INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE

This CAT Season, I got two calls-- one from a college way up North, and another from a college
way down South.
I attended the interview of B-School B at Chennai two weeks ago.
It is customary to post your interview experiences online, to act as a beacon to posterity.
Perhaps, I should copy-paste this on T.I.M.E website or PagalGuy....hmmm.

I am dressed up in a gray colored kurta, which I fancy, looks sombre enough for a funeral, let alone an interview. I am carrying an impressive briefcase, also made of gray translucent plastic, containing not-so-impressive credentials.

Me: May I come in sir?
(Inside the room are two guys-- on the left is Mr.Baldy in a pale-yellow shirt. On the right is Mr.Dark, in a white-and-gray striped shirt. He looks up and is all smiles... )
Mr.D (heartily): Ahhh... Gowri N Kishore (with special emphasis on Kishore)...
The instant he says "Good Morning", I say "Good Afternoon". He goes all courteous at once, saying,
Mr.D : My mistake, I'm sure... not afternoon yet...please take a seat.
He continues to grin at me for a full minute while I silently wonder if I have dirt on my nose. I switch my gaze to Mr.B, who stares at me coldly, sniffs, and looks down at his paunch.
Mr.D holds up my CAT Score card. Mr.B brightens up visibly...
Mr.D(still smiling) : 11% in Quantitative ability... tell me Gowri, what should we think about your mental ability based on this mark? Are you really this stupid?

Me: No sir, I am not..What I am, is slow... I could manage to do very few questions...
Mr.D : Supposing you were sitting on my seat ( I would be more comfortable, I think silently)
and a candidate turns up with this score card, how would you evaluate him?
Me: Blah..blah..blah (Basically Bullshitting)
Mr. D says "Hmmmmmmmm" and looks at Mr.B
Mr.B stretches in his chair, scratches his head, stares at me again as if wondering what I am doing there... leafs through my profile...
Mr.B(triumphantly, as though it's a recent discovery) :Electronics and communication engineer, huh?
Me(optimistically) : Yes, in another 3 months, if I am lucky.
They don't get the joke.
Mr.B leans forward.
Mr.B:Let's go for a rapid-fire... answer me quickly... Who is the Union Minister of State for Industries under the Ministry of Labour?
Me(gaping at him): Er...
Mr.B:Quickly!!! Tell me...
Me: Kamal Nath? (??????????)
Mr.B (frowns): No; Who is the Union Minister of State of the Department of Agribased Industries?
Me(sweating): Lalu Prasad Yadav? (!!!!!!!!!!!)
Mr.D guffaws.
Mr.B : Who is the Chief Minister of Guwhati?
Me(desperately): Guwhati? I thought it was a city!!!
Mr.B stares at me coldly. I lose my nerves.
Me(blabbering): Oh no.. my mistake I'm sure... Ram Vilas Paswan?
Mr.D has tears of mirth rolling down his cheeks. Mr.B is getting angrier and angrier.
Mr.B: Union Minister for Commerce?
Me(mind goes blank): Erm...I knew it --hold on..aaaargh! ...erm...
Mr.B is shooting daggers at me. Mr.D is doubled over with laughter, slapping his thighs and the desk alternately.
Mr.B (hardly amused--to say the least) :So Gowri..what are the different modes of Communication?
Me (Mind conveniently goes blank) : Er...modes of communication...erm..let's see... well, there's speaking..writing...
Mr.B (Eyebrows disappearing into his hair) :No no..I didn't ask you to philosophize...
Me( another hopeful try): Oh I see--you meant technically? hehe..my mistake, I'm sure...
(look at Mr.D for support, but he is engrossed in the pages of my profile).. okay, here goes-- Mobile, satellite, computer ...(basically reeling off the names of our 8th semester papers)
Mr.B (genuinely annoyed): Let me give you a clue-- Simplex. Go on--say the others...
Me(desperate and trying not to show it, recollect bits heard in the first year): Right-- Simplex, Duplex, Half-duplex...
Mr.B (leans back, smirking):Explain each of these...
I know I am lost. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I lean forward conspirationally and say in a sotto voice,
Me:Sir-- I'll be perfectly honest with you...
Mr.D looks up eagerly and leans forward too. The gossip-monger...
Me: We had just two Communication papers in all these 7 semestersof engineering education. And this semester, we have 6 communication papers.. the Kerala university syllabus is so designed that not even the educational experts who formulated it in the first place are able to fathom today, how an average electronics and communications engineering student knows nothing about the nuances and practical aspects of communication even though well into his final semester...

Mr.B(hardly impresses by this eloquent discourse): So you don't know the answer.
Me(gulp!!!) :No, I don't.
They both look at each other, and smirk.
Mr.B (closing in for the kill): Tell me a practical application of EPROM.
Me(buying time): Well sir, an EPROM is an electrically Programmable Read Only Memory... A CD is a ROM. It's basically a non-volatile form of storage...but in a CD, you program data into it once and you cannot alter that data...so, mass production of CD's containing one-time information is very cheap... An EPROM is where you can electrically alter the data written in the ROM... so it makes it reusable...

Mr.D(grinning again): Gowri...Gowri..this is not your university exam answer sheet...
Me:Hehe! No, sir...it isn't...
Mr.B(Losing patience): So --just tell me the practical application of an EPROM...
Me: Well, sir..like I said, since it helps memory reuse(I notice the dangerous glint in his eye and speed up hastily)..in all such applications where you need to reuse the amount of storage space you have, you use an eprom...
Mr B(through gritted teeth): So, wherever you need an EPROM, you will use an EPROM...is that what you are telling me?
Me(laughing nervously): Erm...yes sir. (well, if you don't need an EPROM, you wouldn't use one, would you?)
Mr.B sits back, staring at me in disbelief.
Mr.D's Cheshire cat grin is getting on my already over-wrought nerves.
Me(Desperately): Well sir..EPROM--is used in Microcontrollers...and Microprocessor memories...
Mr.B shakes his head repeatedly as though he had water in his ears.
I give up.
Mr.B picks up my profile and leafs through it again.
Mr.D (suddenly): Sree Chitra Thirunal college of engineering... tell me who was Sree Chitra Thirunal?
Me(relieved): He was a King of Travancore, who did a great many things for social and educational upliftment...He--
Mr.B(interrupting me): What was Swathi Thirunal's relationship with him?
Me(staunchly): Swathi Thirunal was the grand uncle of Chithira Thirunal.
Mr.B(raised eyebrows again): Grand Uncle?
Me: Yes... He was the brother of the father of Chithira Thirunal's mother...
Mr.B looks doubtful, but shuts up.
Mr.D: So what was Swathi Thirunal famous for?
Me: Music.
Mr.B(attempting comedy for the first time): Pop Music? (Laughs uproarious;y)
Me(Coldly; when will villains learn to stick to their roles?) :No Sir. Classical Carnatic music. He has composed scores of Keerthanas.
There is a collective "Hmmmmmm".
Mr.D asks finally, :So, any questions you have?
Me: None thank you.
Mr.B( taking his revenge): Just let me go ...is that your attitude, Miss.Gowri? huh? Is that it?
Me(Wide-eyed): Of course not, sir... if you want me to stay, I will...
Mr.B realizes suddenly I am perfectly serious.
Mr.B(hastily): No-no...You may leave... (Wipes his brow)
I say Thank you and leave.